Since you gave me the advice to always find a reason to smile (outside of the nothing that is you), I have taken it to heart and really given it my all. I can admit that it hasn't been that difficult to find things to smile about. I mean, I am mom to two of the most adorable kids on the planet, so life can't be all bad.
Today was the start of the weekend. You know how hard weekends are for me. I was determined to remain smiling no matter what. Damn, it was difficult. I knew it was crucial to get out of the house. If I stayed here I might fall victim to the latest nonsense with the middle son. I have thus far refrained from yelling out "You are both stupid idiots...you for thinking I would buy your story and you for allowing your son to be this way", but the urge gets stronger as the days drag on. Getting out was a must. Now, where to go?
We could go out just the two of us, but the thought of that isn't overly appealing. If we go somewhere as a family, the odds that I am going to blow my stack runs even higher. What is a girl on the verge of losing it to do? Plan something she is pretty positive the middle child won't want to do...yes, that is the idea.
I proposed the beach. It is an absolutely gorgeous day and we both know how much I love the beach. So, I hit up Caleb first. He is game. Emily loves the beach as much as I do, so I knew she would be thrilled. Liz was next and she was a go. Now came the tricky part...the boys. My gamble paid off and the middle one didn't want to go. The idea of a few hours home alone was far too tempting. One point for me.
My thoughts were that with the main issue out of the way, this would be a nice trip. I forgot about the bigger issue.
He couldn't find a shirt. Where were all his shirts? The twenty hanging up weren't the ones he wanted. He wanted the gray one, where was it? Well, I was doing laundry...perhaps it was in the dyer. If not there, I had a load in the washer. He goes out to look and "can't find anything in that mess". Um, it is the dryer...I don't typically fold them until after they are done. I wasn't aware they should dry neatly in the tumble dry.
I take a different approach; instead of losing my mind, I go out to the dryer and take the clothes out to see if I can locate a shirt. I found 5. None of them were the one he wanted, so he finally chose one that was hanging up. We were going to the beach. The shirt was going to come off the second we smelled salt water...what was the big deal? I remind myself that I can't change him, I could only change how I respond to him. Smile, smile, smile.
We finally head to the car. "Why are these straws in here? We can't go with the car like this." There were two random straws from a Sonic run as well s a handful of wrapped peppermints. I didn't realize it was an issue. We load up and aren't even out of the driveway before the next issue arises. "How much gas did you put in here? You burned that much gas since yesterday morning? You know your car sucks gas...what were you thinking?"
Well, I put 20 bucks in yesterday morning. I then drove all the kids to school. At 12:45 I drove back to Caleb's school to drop off his cupcakes and then to Liz's school to take her out early so I could then drive to Santee to pick up Caleb's balloon bouquet. I then picked up the two older boys from school, came back home and went back to pick up Caleb. I was conned into happy hour at Sonic (hence the straws and peppermints) so that was another trip to Santee. At 4 I ran to Wal-Mart to pick up his cake and stopped at McDonald's on the way home for his birthday dinner. Apparently that took up most of my gas. Gas which I paid for with my own money, so fuck you very much.
No, I didn't say that. I smiled and simply said that I would remember not to suggest an outing as a family again if we were so concerned about the gas. He rolled his eyes and I just smiled.
We make it to the beach. I immediately feel peace. I love it there so much. It is a gorgeous day and parking is bad, but the beach is not overly crowded. For the first fifteen minutes or so it is calm. He is helping chase after Em, I am taking tons of pictures, life is good.
As always happens, he retires back to the towels. I don't mind. I am enjoying the time with the kids. It is really difficult to be pissy at the beach. Emily is having the time of her life splashing in the water. It is freaking cold, but I follow her right in. Caleb is digging in the sand up near the towels. Liz and Jake are down at the water's edge with me playing with Em. We are having a blast. I even caught myself really laughing at times. It felt great.
Suddenly I noticed the signs. Matt checking his phone (he doesn't wear a watch, that is his clock). Getting up and pacing. Putting his shirt back on to come down to talk. He is cold and hungry. Are we ready to go? We had been there half an hour. WTF?? No, I am not ready to go. I am enjoying myself and we just got here.
We make it to an hour and then he is done. He entices the kids with food and they reluctantly say okay. He promises we can go back tomorrow. On the way home it starts again. What do I want to eat? Why don't I have an opinion? Del Taco was brought up BY him. Caleb is focused on that. Suddenly maybe Costco is a better idea. What does everyone think? Caleb still wants Del Taco. Jake and Liz want Costco. Now he is pissed at Caleb for not changing his mind.
We get home to find a letter from the child support division. He immediately hands it to me. In spite of the fact that I have given them her social security number, her employers phone number, her employers address, her last known address, etc. they are unable to locate her. They are requesting address of family or friends that might know her whereabouts. I am simply reading the paper to him. He jumps in angrily "I am not involving her family in this mess". No one asked you to. I am simply reading the paper to you. You have the choice to either provide the information necessary to collect child support or you can continue to allow her to do nothing to help financially with her children. What you cannot do is bitch and moan to me after making this choice.
Yep, that pissed him off. How dare I act like that. I reiterated that I wasn't making a judgment, but merely stating a fact. If he chooses not to assist them in finding her, he has no right to bitch at the lack of progress.
It was at that point that I just put my earbuds in and cranked up the tunes. I am okay and that is all that matters. I just wish he made it easier at times.
Laughing felt good...maybe I should do it more often. Proud of me? Doesn't matter...I am proud of me.
