This weekend has been a difficult one. A few days ago I had my "aha" moment and have been reeling from it ever since. I found myself shutting down quite a bit and am only here now out of sheer force. I need to get this out and move on, so here I am.
Watching the man fight so hard for something that I know is over has been a trying experience. The other day when discussing with him my desire that he simply stop because being here with him was exhausting, it hit me. I held that mirror up and saw myself.
I do not want him in much the same way that you don't want me. It is exhausting dealing with someone that won't take "drop dead", or in our case, absolute silence; for an answer.I kept trying in the hopes that you would "get over it" and realize that I didn't mean what I said and forgive me. Your silence speaks far louder than your words ever did. You aren't going to get over it and while I own a lot of the blame, you have your share as well.
I had my second chance and didn't get it right. I can't continue to fight for something that only one of us wants. I am tired of being exhausted and I am tired of being exhausting. Time to face the girl in the mirror and let her know second chances are rare and third ones are non existent.
Moving on isn't fun, but sometimes loving someone means letting them go. I hope you find her...I will forever regret it wasn't me.
