Ramblings

Not exactly sure where this one is heading. Two days ago I sought out help for the ongoing panic attacks. The doctor was wonderful and prescribed two medications that are helping thus far. I have a long way to go before my body is back to normal, but I am on the right path and that is what matters.


I had a little fun on my other blog yesterday testing out a theory. My husband seems to believe his family couldn't care less what I post over there and never reads it any longer, but I find that hilarious. I have no doubt they are reading it looking for clues as to what is going on in our lives. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

As you know, I purposely changed the direction of that blog and began to write my real life things over here. Well, in reality, I haven't written much anywhere for quite some time. My mind and body really did just shut down and I was doing all I could to just survive each day.

Yesterday after my first nights sleep in six days I actually felt like writing. I headed to the original blog and pretty much spilled my guts about the meds. I am guessing within three days my husband will be receiving an oh so innocent phone call inquiring as to how I am doing. God knows I am not talking to those idiots, but this will be funny if I prove to be right.

What he fails to grasp is that I don't care that they read the blog. I am honest and real in all I put out there. My problem is the attack I received as a result. They do not live my life. They cannot tell me I am wrong.

Anywho, here I am...so I promised to write about the things they wished I still wrote over there, and I hope to do that.

Life is pretty good. My June move out date doesn't seem feasible at this time. Money is an issue as always. Making sure Caleb and Emily are secure and safe is a big concern. My decision to remain in Southern California means that money saved needs to be about three times the amount I have so far. No big deal. I have done this for ten years, a few more months are certainly not going to hurt me.

I have made steps to get my FASFA completed for school and will be contacting them to take in the records from Emily's birth which will clearly show why I was unable to complete my semester and will take me off academic probation thus opening up my financial aid. I qualify for a full Pell and that will be the money used to make the transition from wife to single mom.

Whitney has made a great life for herself and Braiden back home, so she will most likely not be coming back and moving in with me. While I hate the thought of not having her with me, I realize she needs to take the path that is best for her and Braiden, so I support the decision.

I would love to keep Caleb in his school, so apartment hunting within Lakeside will begin in earnest next month. It will be September before I have the funds ready for a move in, but I can start doing my homework and seeing which complex offers us the best for our funds.

The love of my life keeps telling me to face everything one day at a time and Baby, that is what I am doing. So, there you have it...my goals for the next few months while still trying to focus on each day as it comes.