Never blog medicated

It's another late night and I am sitting here waiting for my melatonin to kick in. So, why am I here? Boredom I guess.

The workouts are going great. Emily is a fantastic motivator. Watching her dance and hearing her sing to the ipod can bring me back from the brink of giving up quicker than anything I know. I have made my preset goal each day even when I have had to convince myself to get out the door.

I am a bit worried about tomorrow. It is the weekend and everyone is home. Caleb has been dying to go with us on our walks, but I can't let him take his scooter since he doesn't have a helmet. This means that he will need to walk the entire four miles. I can see a mile in and him pooping out on me. Short of carrying him on my back (which is not happening), he will have to walk. I don't want to discourage his coming, but I want to be realistic. In the end, if the walk is a bit shorter tomorrow, so be it.

I have to keep reminding myself, and those around me, that this is not a sprint I am doing. It is more a marathon. I don't pay too close attention to how long the four miles takes me. Keep in mind, I have traffic (a bit) and a stroller to contend with. One of the boys made the comment that I walked extremely slow if it was taking me an hour to walk the four miles. I'm not walking a track. I am walking in our neighborhood. I have lots of roads to turn on, hills to climb, etc. I'm not trying to break any records here. I am just trying to get my body back to a place that doesn't horrify me.

It is so frustrating to know how hard I am working and get so little understanding. Yes, I am sure at 17, I could have done this in under fifteen minutes, but guess what...I'm not 17 any longer. I have given birth to five children. I have allowed myself to get lazy and out of shape. At 17 I was working out two hours per day five days a week with the drill/dance team. I was dancing two nights a week for three hours per night at dance class. I was freakishly fit. At (whatever age I am now) I am not that same tiny girl.

I'm not saying I need a cheerleading team standing outside and cheering me on, but the negative comments need to stop. This is my journey and I am proud of all that I have done thus far. I have such a long way to go, but I am off to a great start.

I don't do scales, so I'm not sure how I am going to handle the "where am I at weight wise" as of yet. I am considering getting a scale and keeping it elsewhere until I weigh in every two weeks. I want to go at least two weeks between weigh ins simply because it takes time and the last thing I need to see is a plateau.

My weight loss goal is simply to rock my bikini come next summer. Well, actually late April/early May. Caleb, Emily, and myself are going back home to help Whitney with the baby and I plan on meeting up with a dear friend of mine for some fun at the lake while I am there. She has this amazing body and I would like us to be two hot mama's enjoying the sun.

I have a great bikini, but the bottoms have always fit my body poorly. Thankfully I had some different cut bottoms that were the same color and I have worn those the past summer. Next year, I want the skimpier bottoms and I am going to do it.

I would love to do some before/during/and after pics, but I hate my body so much that I hate the idea of taking a pic. If you notice,  the only pictures I ever post are of my face and those are so carefully planned out you would think my life depended on it.I end up discarding far more than I keep.

I am  hoping to get some decent sleep tonight so I am ready to face tomorrow. Caleb has already requested I get donuts for breakfast. Um, honey...did you not get the memo that Mommy isn't doing sugar? Thankfully, it has been relatively simple giving up that vice and I am pretty sure I can get them donuts without feeling the need to eat some myself. Although I swear, if one more person offers me candy/cake/cookies...I might need bail money.

It almost seems like they want to test me. Trust me, if I can go to Sonic three times this week for happy hour and walk away with unsweetened tea as opposed to a cherry coke...your stupid cookie isn't going to do me in. It is times like this that I am really glad I don't live near family. I love my mom dearly, but she has a habit of feeding you...constantly. I would spend most of my day turning down food.

Well, I think the meds are kicking in and I hope I didn't say anything stupid...day six is tomorrow...I'm ready to kick its ass and take names.