It's late...

And I'm awake thinking of you. It completely and utterly sucks. I wish I could do what you do and compartmentalize my feelings, but I just can't. You know better than most, I wear my heart right out in the open. Last time I wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me. I flaunted my new relationship in your face hoping it stung. This time? I don't want you hurt.

I want you to be happy and if your happiness isn't with me, I love you enough to TRY and say goodbye. Hell, who am I kidding? I don't want to say goodbye. I want to finally break those walls and get you to talk to me. I want to drive up there and try and get you to open the door so you can see the truth.

I  miss your voice. I miss your laugh. Okay, not so much you laughing at me, but at this point, I'd take that.

I am trying to be mature and "give you space". If you haven't noticed, that is not something I'm really great at. Sorry, basically I suck at it.

I miss you, BUT as you often told me...you can't make someone love you. God knows I've tried.

If this is your choice, I have to respect it. I don't have to like it. I don't have to agree, but I do have to respect it. I love you enough to want your happiness above my own.

Being a grown up sucks and if you ever decide you want to give this another whirl...I won't be hard to find. Trust me...I'll make it easy for you....billboards...postcards...whatever you need.

I just want you happy. Tell me you are happy and I will do my best to quietly go sit in the corner. Come on...you know just once you want to see me keep quiet...

BTW...it's late...and my phone is right beside me...ya know...just in case you forgot what I sound like and really need to know...